Dogs 87, 88 – Penn Station

I went to go meet my brother in New York for a Mets game. I was going to take the train in to Penn Station while he came down from Harlem and then we’d head out together. Naturally, he was about 40 minutes late so I ducked into one of those beer/pizza/dog joints they have near the LIRR ticket machines.

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I told the dude to give me a walk around the block and give me mustard, ketchup, kraut, and that onion stuff. The tinfoil here is covering it, but it was an absolute gong show trying to house these. I was standing off to the side in Penn Station while hundreds of people go by looking at the asshole covered in kraut and onions shoving more and more into his face. But I didn’t give a shit. Because DogLife don’t give a shit. Its not meant to be pretty or glamorous. Its a grind that sometimes results in you looking like a maniac while standing alone in a train station. 8/10

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Dogs 85, 86 – Spicy Brown came out to play

Friend: “Rory you wanna play in a charity basketball tournament?”

Rory: “Are there gonna be hotdogs?”

Friend: “Does the Pope shit in the woods?”

The team? Harlem Heartbreakers. The players? Brothers Monaghan and Brothers Rogers. All 4 of us huge proponents of DogLife. While other teams were being dumb (shooting around, stretching, getting warmed up), the Harlem Heartbreakers were getting busy at the snackshack crushing dogs. More specifically, Rory was letting Spicy Brown out of the cage.

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The dogs were classic snackshack dogs: $1-for-a-pack-of-8 quality dogs, still cold in the center, and store-brand condiments. But when they are the only things within reach that can unleash Spicy Brown, they are as good as any dog I’ve ever had. 10/10

As for the tournament: what we lacked in overall skill, size, and general ability, we made up for in dope uniforms, loud yelling, and sick dances for when we made a sexy ass shot. We may have lost all of our games by considerable margins, but we definitely won most dogs eaten.

Dogs 79-82 – RIP Mustache Monaghan

Couple points I need to address:

  1. Mustache Monaghan is no more. I came home from work one night, smelling, feeling, and looking like shit. I know it wasn’t the mustache’s fault, but I needed to make a change. Next thing I know I’m staring in the mirror at the face of a coward who blamed his shitty job on his majestic facial hair. Shame does not begin to describe how I felt. However, I could not let this affect my quest for 100 dogs, and decided to buckle down and house 4 dogs the day after.
  2. In the wake of one of the worst pictures taken of me to date (see my previous blog about Sonic), I realized I needed to change the angles I took these pictures at. The straight on from below was not going to cut it anymore. So, these are the results:

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Its hard to make a picture flattering when you have a phallic shaped object shoved into your mouth, but these at least these pics cover up my neckdogs. Honestly no idea what are on these dogs. Looks like a couple m&k, the fancy Polish mustard, and one with some mustard bbq sauce. 7/10’s all around.

Dogs 73-78 – Once again, Sonic fucking delivers

It has been well documented in previous blogs that Sonic gets DogLife. Every time I’m sitting around, wondering who is gonna be the next hero and drop some sweet deal on dogs, Sonic fucking delivers. They’re the Karl Malone of the dog industry.

On July 23rd they had a $1 hotdog day on their Chili Cheese Dogs and All American Dogs. SPOILER ALERT: I exploited the shit outta this deal.

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Lets first take as second to appreciate the stache here on Mustache Monaghan. Holla @ me Steve Harvey.

Now to the dogs: First round of 2. Grabbed a couple chili cheese here. Little sloppy, but if I didn’t want that I wouldn’t have gotten a chili dog. 7.5/10

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Second round of 2: On the left I have the All American Dog a try. Mustard, ketchup, relish, diced onions. I think the person making it may have twitched while putting the relish on because a copious amount of that shit was all over the left side of the bun. I’m not a huge relish guy and I’m also not a huge super soggy bun guy. 2/10. As for the chili cheese dog: very neat and clean. Great chili distribution. 8/10

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Third round of 2: I want to address the picture on the left. This was the first time throughout this entire endeavor I can say “I can see how these hotdogs are affecting my body.” And apparently they are all just squishing to the left side of my neck. That legit looks like a fucking pack of hotdogs. Some people’s fat goes to their stomach, their tits, their thighs, but mine goes to my goddamn neck. Luckily the second picture is blurry and you can’t see my neckdogs too well. Both of these were chili dogs, both were kinda sloppy because this was like a half hour before closing. 7/10

Despite realizing that eating over 70 hotdogs in about 2 months is having a negative affect of my body, it was a triumphant day in DogLife thanks again to Sonic.

Dog 70 – Introducing: Spicy Brown

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Some punker challenged me to a game of 1 on 1 for $10. Kid had no idea what he was getting himself into. I geared up in my finest basketball attire, crushed a hotdog while throwing one down in warm-ups, and let Spicy Brown out of the cage. Went down 3-1 early, came back with 14 unanswered. Easy buckets, easy money. Catch Rory on the court after living some DogLife, you’re gonna get a mouthful of Spicy Brown all damn day.

Word to ya motha